Transformative Elements of Marriage
If you have gotten stuck in staleness, hostility, or distance, there is a way out. There are things that lead to greater distance and things that will lead you back to intimacy and closeness. The major stance that will lead to greater distance is to keep looking at what your partner has done wrong or all they failed to do. Stare at those things, turn them over and over in your mind. The more you hold them the more incensed you will feel. The more incensed you feel, the more self righteous you will become. Judgement brings distance. You can count on it.
To have reconciliation and restore closeness, we have to let failures go. When my clients are first struggling with forgiveness, I ask them if they could let God hold the offenses in His hands. Can they let them go from their hands to God’s as a first step? Another step in letting go is to meditate on the principles of “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” and “Let me get the plank out of my own eye before I get the speck out of yours.” The principles behind these scriptures keep sowing seeds of humility. A third step in regaining intimacy is to step back and see the big picture. God formed your mate in his or her mother’s womb. God made them in His image. God has plans for them. He is for them not against them. He wants them to make it back home someday to Him eternally. If you can grasp these principles you will want to partner with him. You will want your partner to win the big race. Lastly you must renew your love. Love pursues. Love compels us. Love endures. God is often referred to as “the hound of heaven”. He is the lover of our souls. Love is self-forgetting. It is other-oriented. Love can leap over any chasm.
May God grant you the willingness to place your mate’s offenses in His hands, give you the heart of humility, and stir up love for your mate inside your own heart. May restoration, reconciliation, and intimacy be the fruit.